Surely, y'all remember the great Jerry Seinfeld and his cast of merry pranksters, Elaine, George and Kramer from the 90s?
I am reminded of the episode where Kramer -- the hipster doofus -- joins an AIDS Walk in Central Park for a good cause, but gets bashed by hordes of AIDS activists for refusing to wear a red ribbon. The following is the excerpted screenplay of the actual show, with my comments in blue interspersed within:
Kramer joins the gang at that little coffee shop on the upper west-side
KRAMER: Hey, boys and girls. I need you both to sponsor me in the AIDS walk.
ELAINE: Is that tomorrow?
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, so...git-git...<gestures to Elaine to sign the form.>
ELAINE (signing): Well, I admire you for joining the fight against AIDS.
KRAMER: Well, if I didn't do something I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
JERRY (signing): It's hard enough living next door.
KRAMER: I tell ya, there's some people, they just wear a ribbon and they think they're doin' something? Not me. I talk the talk, and I walk the walk, baby. <gets up> I'll be right back.
New scene - Jerry approaching his apartment door. He hears the sound of a loud group of people from inside Kramer's place. Jerry knocks and finds Kramer engaged in a rip-roaring game of poker.
JERRY: Kramer, what the hell is going on in there?
KRAMER: It's a poker game...<yells to the crowd> And I'm kickin' some serious butt!
JERRY: Are you out of your mind? You got the AIDS walk tomorrow!
VOICE FROM POKER GAME: Hey, Kramer - are you in?
KRAMER: Oh, you gotta be kiddin'! You see those two ladies I got showin'? Do they look scared?!
JERRY: You're never gonna make it!
<Kramer giggles and returns to the game.>
New scene - Kramer signing in at the AIDS walk.
KRAMER (to organizer at desk): Uh, Cosmo Kramer?
ORGANIZER: Uh...o.k., you're checked in. Here's your AIDS ribbon.
KRAMER: Uh, no thanks.
ORGANIZER: You don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon?
ORGANIZER: But you have to wear an AIDS ribbon.
KRAMER: I have to?
KRAMER: See, that's why I don't want to.
ORGANIZER: But everyone wears the ribbon. You must wear the ribbon!
KRAMER: You know what you are? You're a ribbon bully. <Walks away.>
ORGANIZER: Hey you! Come back here! Come back here and put this on!
New scene - Kramer in the AIDS walk. Some AIDS activists accost him for failing to wear the red ribbon.
WALKER #1: Hey, where's your ribbon?
KRAMER: Oh, I don't wear the ribbon.
WALKER #2: Oh, you don't wear the ribbon? Aren't you against AIDS?
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm against AIDS. I mean, I'm walking, aren't I? I just don't wear the ribbon.
WALKER #3: Who do you think you are?
WALKER #1: Put the ribbon on!
WALKER #2: Hey, Cedric! Bob! This guy won't wear a ribbon! <Cedric and Bob turn around and glare at Kramer.>
BOB: Who? Who does not want to wear the ribbon? <Kramer is frightened.>
New scene - Kramer surrounded by Cedric, Bob, and the other walkers.
BOB: So! What's it going to be? Are you going to wear the ribbon?
KRAMER (nervously): No! Never.
BOB: But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon!?
KRAMER: This is America! I don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear!
CEDRIC: What are we gonna do with him?
BOB: I guess we are just going to have to teach him to wear the ribbon!
<Kramer tries to climb up a fire escape, but the mob grabs him and pulls him back down. Kramer screams.>
Final scene - Jerry and George waiting for Kramer at the finish line.
* * *
JERRY: It's probably so the woman has one last chance to change her mind.
GEORGE: You never run out, do you? <Jerry smiles.> Where's Kramer? Everything's finished here.
JERRY: Oh, I told him he'd never make it. He was up all night! Oh my god...Kramer?
<They see Kramer staggering towards them with cuts and bruises, clothes torn, one shoe off. He collapses and crawls across the finish line.>
JERRY: Look at you. I told you. Up all night playing poker. Come on. <Jerry and George are about to leave. George turn's back and looks at Kramer.>
GEORGE: Hey, where's you AIDS ribbon?
So, there you have it -- art imitating life. Hordes of bean-counting, do-gooding AIDS activists demanding compliance and conformity with their stupid little red ribbons, trying to impose their little warped stigmata on poor 'ole Kramer. Well, respectfully, we at Barnes-ville share the same sentiments as our hero, Cosmo Kramer. We are sick of you jerks -- and, No, we ain't gonna wear no dumb-ass red ribbon, either! So, How's that for a yada-yada-yada:)