We live in a nation that is a copy of a copy of a copy of itself, and the new imitations are being born at the rate of thousands a second.
In that spirit, I offer the following
“You work for the NIH and you’re going to come out and say WHAT? Are you crazy? Don’t you realize what’s going to happen to you?”
If I say X, and if X will bring an immense amount of shit down on me, then X is, a priori, false. If I have to utter Y, which is in direct contradiction to X, and if Y will protect my position, then Y is automatically true.
“Let’s hire a PR consultant. He’ll come in and tell us what true statements we should utter. We know they’ll be true because they’ll advance our position.”
“But suppose, in the process, we forget what we actually think?”
“Hey, there is no ‘what we actually think.’ There is only what we can say that’ll advance our position.”
“You mean there is no memory?”
“Jesus. We INVENT our memory.”
Mathilde Krim, founding chairperson of AMFAR, revealed today that, as a child, she discovered AZT. “It was a floor cleaner and car polisher,” she said. “But I tried it out on a Camaro and it ate right through the hood and dissolved part of my engine block. So I sold it to Coca Cola. After that, I don’t know what happened to it.”
In a reversal of a previous reversal, Luc Montagnier admitted to Paris Match today, ‘AIDS is actually bird flu. HIV is an aerosol used in industrial lacquers. When it hits the open air, it discovers it has an affinity for a protein contained in bird beaks. The birds catch the lacquer and pass it on by anal sex.”
Today from her home in Nome, former Secretary of Health and Human Services, Margaret Heckler, announced: “When I went on television in 1984 and said the cause of AIDS had been found, I had been told by Robert Gallo that HTLVIII was a man living in Omaha. That was his name. He had been spreading disease by coughing on beef.”
Brian Williams (NBC): “However, there is absolutely no beef to be found in Omaha. Omaha is known for manufacturing light bulbs for slot machines.”
In his recently published memoir, Soul on Ice, Robert Gallo remarked, “There’s been a huge misunderstanding. I never meant to promote an antibody test for HIV. The US Patent Office misread my application. It was for an HIV MESS Kit, not TEST kit---and its purpose was to feed starving Africans. Let’s face it. In my line of work, you have to deal with a lot of inferior minds.”
Retired Cal. Tech. President, and former AIDS researcher, David Baltimore told The New York Times, “Baltimore is not my birth name. I changed it to Baltimore in 1958, after gophers attacked my cousin’s lawn and he accused me of directing the operation.”
At MIT, three scientists have taken a giant step toward developing an AIDS vaccine. The researchers placed several samples of HIV on a steel table and broke them apart with a hammer.
“The protein envelope split open like a watermelon,” said Dr. Robert Flagellate. “Inside we found a letter from Amelia Earhart. We believe the ink from the letter will stimulate the production of HIV antibodies in women. We still have a long way to go, but this is a start.”
NIH press release: “An apparent discovery of 10,000 HIV-positive men who have remained healthy for 20 years, while declining to take antiviral drugs, has been exposed as a mistake. All these men are suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s. The ‘20 years’ in every case turns out to be less than six months. The men’s faulty memory was the problem. The resurrection of an older treatment for syphilis, mercury, is now being applied to slow the progression of their dementia.”
Cornell Professor Arthur Maserati Gorgon stated today, at the National Press Club, “Naked consensus is the only standard of scientific proof. This gives us a neat arithmetical evaluation, in all cases. A hundred scientists of one mind rate as ‘imminently possible.’ Three hundred? ‘Teeteringly probable.’ A thousand? As solid as a pope’s edict. The marvelous thing is, it doesn’t matter what the particular proposition is. It could be anything. For example, ‘HIV causes AIDS’ equals ‘HIV consensuses AIDS.’ It’s pristine, elegant, and viable.”
Page 16, NY Times: “Long-time Times medical reporter, Lawrence Altman, states he is the father of AIDS researcher, David Ho. Altman was briefly married to Flossie Wong, a textile entrepreneur in Hong Kong. After their divorce, Wong founded a condom-manufacturing company called It Might Be a Virus, headquartered in Macao.”
In secret grand-jury testimony in Boston today, AIDS researcher Max Essex stated he was a laboratory artifact. His given name was Samuel Isadore Vance (SIV).
Margo Largo, writing in the Washington Post, reports: “Arthur Blakey was supposed to be dead. But yesterday he emerged, wandering on a road outside Langley, Virginia, where he and seven other former volunteers in a Chiron-sponsored drug trial had been testing a new AIDS medication called FCD (Final Cell Disruptor).
“Blakey and the seven other healthy male adults had been given a placebo in the drug study. But because nine volunteers---all of whom took FCD--had died of liver failure during the first three hours of the study, researchers decided to fake the deaths of eight people on the placebo, in order to yield the impression that FCD was relatively safe.
“Researchers in the Virginia study have been charged with misdemeanor theft of office supplies.”
Pfizer is launching a new drug called Pan. The company states the drug has been tested on 40,000 people in New Guinea, and it cures starvation in six months. US Ambassador Marvin Eronel replied, ‘There is no New Guinea. The Pacific Ocean is a dream.’”
Scooter Libby, in a speech before the National Press Club, remarked: “We haven’t been fighting in Iraq. We’ve been carrying forward the war in England. London has been secured for over a year. The rebel forces are operating out of Liverpool.”
“Do you have Bextra disease? Ask your doctor if arthritis is right for you. Three or more chronically inflamed joints may cure Bextra.”
Jon Rappoport is the author of the 1988 book, AIDS INC., Scandal of the Century.