Saturday Special to the Johannesburg Sunday Times
Poughkeepsie, NY. He hardly seemed the type - an
accomplished pediatrician, a distinguished AIDS researcher at a well known
hospital, seemingly a model citizen in every way. No-one would have guessed that
this was the person who, disguised as a fireman, had surreptitiously gained
access to Madison Square Garden and chased Madonna around the stage with a
blowtorch. Yet, when police last night revealed his name, the neighbors of Dr
Nicholas T Bennett, here in this sleepy little hamlet a scant 90 minutes from
midtown New York, expressed little in the way of surprise.
"Surprised? Why
should I be surprised," said Mrs Ira Horowitz, a third grade teacher at nearby
Lincoln elementary school. "Anybody with two eyes could see he was coming apart.
Look what he did to that poor kid's bicycle. So he paid for a new one, so what?
Any man who would do that is a nut", she insisted angrily. But Mrs Horowitz, who
has marched to raise money for AIDS victims in Uzbekistan, couldn't pinpoint
exactly when it was that Dr Bennett had become, as she put it, a “candidate for
the psycho ward".
"That would be hard
to say," she explained, because for such a long time Dr Bennett had been, by
almost any standard, what most people would consider a perfect neighbor. He was
helpful, courteous, and kind. He'd contributed both his time and money to
neighborhood organisations. "And he was so good with the children here," she
said with a wide sweep of her arm. "They were always out there, Dr Bennett and
just about every kid in the neighborhood, playing one kind of game or another."
Hide 'n seek, skateboarding, kick the can. "Or just chasing one another around
in the street.". Mrs Horowitz pointed to the big vacant lot where Dr Bennett
often played kickball. "Always playing," she said wistfully, "every afternoon,
they were out there, playing something. I don't know where he got the energy to
run around all over the place like that. But the kids loved him. They thought he
was the greatest thing since ping pong."
But Mrs Horowitz
began to suspect something was wrong when, last summer, Dr Bennett won the
neighborhood Yahtzee tournament for the 3rd year in a row. It was Dr Bennett
himself who'd brought the tournament into existence, and who offered a cash
prize and tickets to Six Flags for the winner. "The oldest child in this
neighborhood is eleven," sneered Mrs Horowitz," and she wasn't even in the
tournament. That means you had a grown man with a PhD competing against children
who aren't even in middle school yet." This didn't seem normal to Mrs.
Horowitz. "Is that normal", she demanded? "You have to have a few screws loose
yourself if you think that's normal." She felt sorry for Dr Bennett, and wished
that some-one had stepped in before things had gotten so badly out of hand.
An examination of
the records at City Hall unmasked some of the problems Dr Bennett had
experienced as his emotional state began to deteriorate. On several
occasions police had been called to the Bennett home to stop Dr Bennett from
banging the metal lids of his garbage cans together at 2AM in the morning. And,
according to divorce papers filed last month by Mrs Bennett, "...at a recent
family gathering, during an argument over the last ice age... Dr Bennett, in one
violent motion, picked up his dinner plate with both hands ...and flung its
contents at Mrs Bennett's mother, showering her about the head and face with his
food."
Moreover, civil
actions filed against Dr Bennett allege that, acting together with several
(un-named) juveniles, ..." He (Dr Bennett) would hide behind the bushes lining
the front of his property...then dart out and throw bottles at...plaintiffs'
car(s) ..as they passed by on the street..". Dr Bennett was described as both a
"perpetrator" and an "instigator" throughout these suits.
There is one report
of an actual arrest. This came about as a result of a flare-up that occurred
during the annual Yahtzee tournament taking place on the lawn of Dr Bennett's
home. It was the 3rd such tounament, each organized and sponsored by Dr Bennett,
and Bennett himself had won the previous two. At some point or other during the
competition, an argument erupted between Dr Bennett and one of the contestants,
Anthony Petrello , each one having accused the other of cheating. Bennett
allegedly went into a rage. Rushing into the garage, he retrieved a
sledgehammer, and proceeded to wildly pound Petrello's bicycle into rubble. Dr
Bennett then hoisted the mangled heap of rubber and metal onto his shoulder,
marched it to a nearby bridge, and threw it into the river. Tony Petrello was 8
years old at the time of the incident.
At the hospital
where Dr Bennett practiced medicine and conducted research on pediatric AIDS,
there was a search for answers. "If you're asking did I...did any of us...see
this coming, the answer is no", said Dr Martin Feldman, research director, and
long time friend of Dr Bennett's." At least, no-one mentioned anything to me,
and I certainly didn't notice anything different in his behaviour. Nick might
kick a few wastebaskets up in the air now and then, but around here that's
hardly unusual."
A portly, jovial man
with over 20 years of experience re-researching the AIDS virus, Dr Feldman noted
the only thing more or less out of the ordinary at the facility happened a few
months ago when somebody blew up the candy machine with a stick of dynamite.
"You have to understand we're under a lot of pressure here," he explained "There
is still no cure for this disease. No *real* cure, is what I mean. No vaccine,
which is what we're really striving for. That's our ultimate goal, not these
exorbitantly expensive drugs with their horrendous side effects. But--- we've
been at it ---what?--- over 20 years now? People are starting to demand results,
and that can wear on you after awhile." Dr Feldman described the pressure that
came at him from all directions: from government sponsors, from corporate
sponsors, from foundations and associations--everybody was on your back, 24/7,
"And THEN, to top it all off, you've got these carping, maniac, protestor
'denialists'," he exclaimed forcefully, "who really screw things up!" With a
movement that inadvertently sent an expensive spectrophotometer crashing to the
floor, Dr Feldman made a fist and slammed it onto his desk as he nut-shelled the
denialist's preposterous ramblings: "They don't even believe HIV causes AIDS,"
he gasped, "And they're quite vocal about it. What's worse, people are actually
starting to listen to them!"
Denialists, as it
happened, not only ticked-off Dr Feldman, they ticked-off Dr Bennett as well.
"They really got Nick riled up. You mention somebody like Duesberg or Bialy, and
Nick could put a wastebasket through the uprights from sixty yards out. I
could---maybe---see him possibly getting mad enough to go after somebody like
that---but, then again---," the doctor added pensively "Maybe not, either. It's
hard to say." The Nick he knew was spontaneous. He wasn't the type to
...'premeditate' . The fact that Bennet had dressed up as a fireman really threw
Dr Feldman. And how anybody went from despising Duesberg to thinking that
Madonna was a cannibal, moreover a cannibal who'd put sodium hydroxide into
their oatmeal, the research director did not care to speculate. "Nick got into a
debate with one of these denialists a while back," he continued, ( This 'debate'
had taken place "internet style"; the advocates weren't in the same room with
one another) "and---well--- to be honest , he didn't really acquit himself in
the best of fashions." Somehow the argument had been reduced to: 'what
constituted a proper statistical treatment of the data' , "and Nick was a little
bit weak in that area. He really should've dropped the whole thing at that
point. Nobody pays any attention to those nuts, so why debate them? You're just
giving them credibility, and he had nothing to gain. Why let them frustrate you?
We told him to just
let it go, but he wouldn't listen. Those arrogant fools think they're better
qualified to interpret the results of a study than the authors who actually did
the research, so the hell if he was gonna' let it go . Nick's pugnacious. He
wasn't going to let anything go." He was in for all ten rounds. Don't even think
about throwing in a towel. "He pushed his cut man aside and jumped back in
swinging." Dr Feldman said. For a moment, the research director paused, his
hands resting in the pockets of his lab coat, which in turn rested on the
boulder that was his stomach, then he added a bit regretfully, "That was where
Nick made his big mistake .The doctor he was debating was going strictly by the
book . But Nick said, 'the book didn't apply in this case' . Actually, he had
never even read the book. And by 'the book', I mean any standard texbook on
regression analysis. Nick claimed he didn't really need it, because he'd
developed his *own way* of analysing data." Doctor Feldman said that he
preferred not to comment on the relative merits of Dr Bennett's *way of
analysing the data* versus that found in standard textbooks on the subject,
except to say that: "People weren't buying. They still preferred using the
textbook method over his 'novel mathematical technique', or
...whatever ... however ... it was he'd referred to it, and I have to include
myself in that group of people. We really love Nick, but he'd gone over the top
on this one. I said to him 'Nick, call me a total cretin if you want, call me an
imbecile, whatever, but I don't see how drawing a line at a 37 degree angle
through a bunch of points scatterred up and down and all over the page
constitutes a 'novel mathematical technique'. That's pretty much what everybody
said to him. Nobody was buying it, but he thought he had a real breakthrough."
Maybe that was what
had pushed Dr Bennett over the edge; Dr. Feldman didn't know. "All I know is,
that guy he was debating? -- that ---*doctor* somebody or other?---there is an
ignoramus if you ever want to meet one." There was an arrogant moron , in Dr
Feldman's opinion, who obviously spends too much time watching re-runs of
SpongeBob. "That's who Nick should've gone after with a blowtorch."
Doctor Feldman
wanted to make something clear, however: "No matter what anybody says, you gotta
give Nick style points for originality. Did you know he can do a CloudBuster on
a skateboard? I'll bet he's the only doctor in the country who can do that. And
Nick's got a theory on how HIV hides in the body for ten years. He says that HIV
actually turns into the tissue it invades." Pausing for a moment to be sure
this was being understood in its essence, Dr Feldman continued his message with
poker-faced sincerity: "That's exactly correct." he nodded , "It
Transubstantiates. The virus actually turns into the body of the person it
invades. One becomes indistinguishable from the other --which -- I gotta' admit
I love it. I mean, think about it: The virus turns into the body- -The body
turns back into the virus--No wonder you can't find it for ten years! What's not
to love already? He said he got the idea from a priest. I said 'a priest? That's
perfect. Why not a priest? After all, what were the Wright Brothers? They were
bicycle repairmen, were they not? Yes. That's what they were, bicycle repairmen.
So... why not a priest already? Everybody should have a priest like that. I
said: Nick, get that into print immediately before somebody else thinks of
it". Dr Feldman closed with a tinge of lament:
"I'm sorry about this
thing with Madonna, .... but ..maybe this is a good thing for Nick. AIDS is a
tough business. Maybe now he can get a little peace."

Romeyn Objukwu is a political refugee about whom I can discover little in the
way of detail. Mr. Objukwu claims not to have "been seen in public since 2003,
when this photograph was taken in front of the Maccabi Building in Ramat Gan,
Israel". "When not travelling (undercover) on assignment", he resides "near Matatapo, in the region of Zimbabwe
once controlled exclusively by the Ndebele." [Otis]
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